Being in the growth zone.
Being in the growth zone.
And my Berlin observations.
Wowowow, what a trip this trip has already been. 26 days in and I am enjoying the shit out of it.
It’s also hard. The focus the art requires is a challenge. And acclimating to unfamiliar places is a bigger challenge. Although Berlin really is home right now. Both of these challenges together are pushing me in ways I need but are uncomfortable. It’s what Martha Beck, one of my heart guides, calls the “growth zone”.
Or what David Bowie means when he said:
“If you feel safe in the area you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth. And when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”
I can barely feel the bottom, and I am back at the altar of discipline. Discipline is a place of solace for me. I can give myself up to the process and the work because the discipline carries me through, like a wave delivering me to the shore.
Most days I go on a walk in the morning, look for new buildings and street moments that are worth a drawing. Then walk home to the coffee shop right around the corner from me and get 2 lattes (one to devour on the 1 minute walk home and one to sip while I draw). Two lattes at my favorite shop are the price of one back in the States.
Berlin is a city I have grown to love over these weeks. It didn’t immediately strike me in the heart as some places can, but I’m chalking that up to the emotionally taxing process of starting this project. It was difficult to leave home, my regular income and everything I know—and to begin this risk in front of my peers and even just for myself. Two hundred is a steep mountain to climb, a long journey. A lot of days I think (like today) only 174 to go! Steep.
But just 4 weeks in and I can feel myself looser and more comfortable creating. And most importantly, the joy of making this work is returning to me. I wake up and think, “I’m excited to draw today”. I haven’t had that about this style of mine in a long while.
Last night I walked home from dinner in the evening light. I walked through Kollwitzplatz, the neighborhood park near me, and it was full of at least 30 families with small children, who were all running around, laughing, screaming and climbing trees. There’s so much life on the streets. And as always when in Europe, I compare it to life in the States, where our cities prioritize cars above everything including humans. People in my neighborhood feel more relaxed (maybe it’s the wide sidewalks, numerous public parks and free healthcare).
Some more Berlin observations:
Grocery stores are closed on Sundays. Some coffee shops close on the weekends and don’t open till 9 on weekdays. I feel a sense of humanity for workers here that I only feel in small towns in America. Can you imagine HEB closed on Sundays? People would revolt.
Grocery prices are half to two-thirds the price in America. And restaurants are affordable too. I am only using about half of my weekly allotted $$. Woo!!
With so many options for transportation—multiple train routes, sidewalks, bike lanes and buses—nowhere ever feels very congested.
Children seem quite free. I see young kids of 9 or 10 walking alone or with a friend to the park or home. I hear children playing and laughing from my apartment windows everyday and it’s a joy.
There’s graffiti everywhere, and the city embraces it. I love that it does, like a city that isn’t trying to control every detail and lets human expression be.
Trains run almost on an honor system. When you walk down the stairs from the street level you are directly on the platform. No turnstyles, no scan-a-ticket to gain access. I heard they do check tickets sporadically, but I haven’t seen it once. Life without this surveillance is freeing, like the city trusts its citizens. It takes the edge off of daily life in a subtle, but very real way. If the city enacts trust to its citizens, then how does that affect the way citizens treat their city?
I’ve only eaten Asian, Middle Eastern and Mexican food (one taco spot that rivals everything in TX & NM) and it’s been very yummy. There’s so much international food. And vegan/vegetarian is everywhere.
I’m reading a book on Berlin history and it’s harrowing to say the least. The cyclical nature of harm and domination over centuries by stupid men who think they can control how people think, work and live is only too pertinent and terrifying as we watch today’s horrors. In America I think a lot of people live under the illusion that our way of life is too stable and secure to ever come under massive disruption. And being away from America allows me to see her in a clear way, that our way of life is mentally and physically taxing on all of us, and is robbing us of the life that we could have if afforded actual freedom from expensive healthcare, expensive everything that has us all working too hard, and very regular public shootings that put us all in danger when we step out of the house.
And some observations about the project so far:
The drawings take twice as long as I thought they would. It’s about 6-8 hours a day of work. I remember thinking before this began, like, “What am I going to do with all my free time?” LOLZ, silly me.
It’s a JOY to see something I want to draw and get it down on paper that day or within a few. In regular life, it can be months or even years between those moments, which exhausts my mind and ability to hold the motivation.
It is hard to be so online. On one hand, I really love being in communication with all of you, reading lovely comments and hearing how people are enjoying the project. And then on the other hand, it’s hard to get daily data (from a bullshit algorithm) on how something performs. And when I say anything, someone comes out of the woodwork to correct me, tell me who I’m not considering as if I speak for all people on this planet. Online behavior is strange, and can be quite sucky.
Monday I head to Prague for three weeks, and I most look forward to spring springing and trees blooming. I miss painting green trees.
See y’all next month!
things worth sharing
VIDEO: The Mistake That Toppled the Berlin Wall by Vox. This video is fascinating and helped shed light on this historic moment in Berlin and world history.
QUOTE: “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning your self.” —Nietzsche